if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
