I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
