You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
