Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize