I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Are my feet made of real feet?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.