whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped