You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail