the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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