New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dating After Heartbreak
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.