ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.