The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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