the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
