She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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