after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
