Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
