I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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