Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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