My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize