What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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