i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
