Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
