Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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