i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
