i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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