Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
