I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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