If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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