my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
