He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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