Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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