In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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