We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
