Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
