Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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