It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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