I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
