So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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