This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
