she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
