Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
