WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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