Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
