I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
