even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
