Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
how drunk are you?
Several
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
