Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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