Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
