whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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