My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
