i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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