Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
