Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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