It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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