hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
