Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
