im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
