please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
