dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
