So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
