i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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