i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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