why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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