i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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