if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize