Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
