Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
