____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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