I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
