i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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