Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
