Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
