Fine. I'll sleep in my office
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
