i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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